Just yesterday a friend told me, after having visitors, that it was easier to fall asleep while they visited, because they never listen to him anyway. I reminded him that beginning years set up the feelings in adulthood. Your parents never listened to you, so you assume that other adults do not listen to you. Of course, he didn’t believe that this was what set up his feelings currently. Intellectually he knows that childhood sets up adulthood, but emotionally it is often hard for him to let his feelings go.
Sound familiar? Let’s take a look at some of the experiences in childhood that contribute to adult thinking and behaving:
A difficult or forceps delivery: A 1987 report listed in Thomas Verney’s book – The Secret Life on the Unborn Child, from the State Institute of Forensic Medicine in Stockholm, Sweden, recorded in several hospitals in Sweden, reports that many of the adults who experienced addictions and suicidal death had experienced difficult births. More information about this in Shadows of Acceptance, by Ron and Nancy Rockey.
An Unwanted Pregnancy, Adopted Child or Child born of wrong sex displeasing parents: For years, this child will ask the question – “Why?” Why did they give me away, Why didn’t they want me (thinking that “me” was the actual one that parents didn’t want, rather that they didn’t want to have a child at that inconvenient time in their marriage. The feeling of being unwanted is devastating to the child!
A Late-in-Life baby or one expected to “fix” the parents’ marriage: In most cases, a bay born to older than normal parents does not get the attention it needs. Mothers are exhausted, just from the pregnancy and delivery, and recovery from the experience takes time, and attention away from the baby’s needs.
A baby born because parents are hoping that this bundle of joy will be enough to fix their marriage, is given a burden very hard to carry. Parents whose marriage is in trouble need to do the work of personal healing, then marital healing before they consider conceiving a child!
Premature birth or baby born with a defect: In most cases, these babies need lengthy hospitalization, negating the experience of bonding with birth parents, unless the parents remain in the hospital and are active in the care and nurturing of the baby.
There are many other causes for a child feeling rejected. They are listed and explained in, Shadows of Acceptance. Rejection, as you have already read if you have read the previous articles on this subject, becomes a lifelong hurt and pain for anyone to experience. In the next articles we will look at how to heal the hurt so that a normal, pain-free life can be enjoyed.
Think back to your beginnings. Apply the stories told to you regarding your birth and your first two years. Ask yourself if the above experiences and/or others listed in the book already mentioned apply to you and your experience. Until next month, do some family research, and begin to understand why you feel as you do. God Bless!